I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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