3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
