she woke up with a sticky ear
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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