I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
