you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
