I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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