Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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