hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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