Soap is not a condiment
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
