hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
