I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
