You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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