I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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