her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
