bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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