I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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