Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
