either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
