I accidentally burped into my bong.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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