i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
