so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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