she woke up with a sticky ear
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
