her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize