Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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