we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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