So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize