I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
