I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
