No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
