lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
