I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
