Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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