Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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