ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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