Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
