Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize