You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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