So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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