haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
