tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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