first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
