So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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