He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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