well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
