I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
