So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
