in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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