I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
