Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize