My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's rum buckets o'clock
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
