This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
