I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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