i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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