Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
that's an acceptable place to lick
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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