So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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