Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
