I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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