i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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