Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
