So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
whose parrot is this?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
