Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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