You work out of a Hotel?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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