My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
