So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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