it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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