he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
